When I was at Nightclub Moxie a week ago, badass bartender Billy Young and I were talkin about people who come out the clubs in GR, expect something for nothing, expect the rules to be different for them or even worse, people who do not tip. He showed me a MySpace Blog he wrote and it was so on point that I wanted to put it here for everyone to read and learn from.   -holmes


by Billy Young - Nightclub Moxie bartender
> I feel a need to make a few points here...the Grand Rapids
> social scene needs a bit of reminding why it is they go
> out... is your main concern just finding the cheapest place
> in the city to drink??? i mean if it is... there are a slew
> of bars west of the river that offer you cheap
> drinks... granted you may need to be on your guard in some of
> them but hey...you want cheap...go find cheap...heres a
> tip.... if you walk in to a place and it seems kind of up
> scale..... expect to pay a bit more for your
> drink.....think about it...a little class might cost you a
> little more.......if you walk in to a place and it has a
> nice glass bar with dmx intelligent lighting and a sound
> system that does not require quarters or dollar bills..you
> know what? if i have to keep describing any upscale bar
> then stick to konkles or the flamingo....heres an example
> for ya...Some idiot comes up to me on Sunday after our $1
> beer special had ended...now mind you its f***ing dollar
> and
>  this schmuck didn't leave a single tip to begin
> with....thats an entirely different rant of mine....anyway,
> i digress..after i inform him the special has ended and what
> the new price was ..this f***o decides to yell at me that
> there was no way he was "not going to pay  no 4
> f***ing dollars for a f***ing beer" ( not kidding about
>  the grammar or diction by the way)  now this cat yelled
> this at me like i had just had a four way with his mom and
> both grand mothers... so my reaction to him was...and i
> must say i am proud of my self for not causing this barely
> post pubescent weenie any physical damage....which may
> ..or may not have happened in the past with overly
> offensive customers...i explained to him that there are
> places cheaper then us and if he felt we were in a class
> that he was not yet accustomed he might feel  more
> comfortable someplace else...(like the parking lot of dairy
> mart or the shell station on the corner of wealthy and
> division).... so
>  lets think  for a second...when you go out people, expect
> to pay for your drinks...drink what you like....if you have
> to ask what the cost of your drink is going to be before
> you order it!.!.!  then you shouldn't be out ....you
> should  be home......asking about specials??? thats ok...
> although i don't think i have ever actually asked that
> question...i am going to drink what i like...not whats
> cheap... seriously if you hated sour kraut and thats all
> meijers had on sale...is it all you would buy?
>
> OK moving on....lets talk about tipping for just a split
> second....people say to me nightly...." i always
> wanted to be a bartender, i looks like so much fun and i
> bet you make really good money"... ok first off...yes
> the job CAN be a blast.... if you have the right
> combination of crew and customers... the crew i have rocks
> hard core...although i may not always tell them that...they
> are some of the best in the city .... now the customers....
> if your on here reading my endless chatter i must think
> you're a decent person... im more hoping this will get
> related to people i don't know.... but see nightly...
> ITS A $2 DRINK!!!!!! you cant leave a f***in buck on the
> bar for me??? in case you have not yet figured out that
> tipping will not only get you served much much faster... it
> will stiffen the hell out of your drinks....trust me the
> redbull cost more then the vodka does.... i would rather
> fill your glass with booze and spread the redbull
> around...but heres the
>  deal ...you got to earn it....
>
> when you get a drink leave something for me... there are
> people who go out to the bars and are known for being great
> tippers... and i will usually have their drink ready when i
> see them...just cause you're in front of me does not
> mean you're next... i will hand their drink right over
> your popped collar in a heart beat...
>
> CREDIT CARD TIPPING... works a few different ways.... if
> you lets say you get 5 $2 drinks... a 10 to 20% tip is
> kaka... a buck a drink folks... thats all we are really
> looking for...if you got rock star service? Treat those
> who treat you like a rock star... like a rock star.... and
> dont think we forget  those who stiff us on the credit card
> tips .... those who just sign it with a slash through the
> tip line... yeah we know who you are too>
>
> AND SO HELP ME GOD!!!!!!!!
> "ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME" people who spout this
> line at me.... i can see all your faces in my head and i
> use them as target practice .....
>
> I dont believe you.... you more then likely wont get me
> next time...in fact ...you might get no one next
> time...guess what...we do talk to each other while we are
> working...
>
> If you think i am an ass**** for this...well.. i might
> be..in fact i probably am but...
>
> would you go to work if they didn't pay you? i am
> guessing the answer is not likely to be yes...guess what..
> i don't really get a paycheck... my lively hood comes
> from you... and i will treat you like the kings and queens
> you think you are ... as long as you treat me with the
> decency expected in my profession...  make no mistake .. i
> am a professional....
>
> i feel better...don't you? now if you just act
> correctly while in my bar you will have an amazing
> time...every time... there are many ways for me to
> "hook you up" if i want my phone to work i got to
> pay the bill if i want my lights to turn on... i got to pay
> the bill... the price i tell you...thats for the contents
> of the glass....not the service of getting it to you... or
> the balance of booze to mixer... you want it hooked up or
> faster on a very busy night???? well guess what pal... pay
> the price ...not just the bill
>
> OK...if you made it this far...as i am sure most of you
> haven't...thanks a ton... i know most of everyone who
> does what i do in this town..if i see you out... i will
> probably buy you a drink...make it possible for that to
> happen....
>
> see you soon !!

I'll start by admitting, I watched every episode of Flavor of Love, Flavor of Love 2, I Luv New York, I Luv New York 2, Rock of Love, even the White Rapper Show, all part of VH1's "Celebreality" line-up over the past two years. The shows were certainly different and had that element of drama in them that made ya wanna watch. And even though we all knew that Flav isn't really lookin for love from the show, it was still fun to watch. The key word there is WAS.

VH1 is currently running, yup, Flavor of Love THREE. Oh come on ! Flav doesn't need this show to find women. HE WAS PART OF PUBLIC ENEMY FOR GOD SAKES. And I can maybe believe that they were able to find the first 20 ladies who thought Flav was attractive, but you want me to believe you found 60 total now?? Yeah ok.

Now Rock of Love is into Rock of Love 2 because, coincidently, just like Flav and just like New York, Bret Michaels also didn't find love on the first season. Rigggght. VH1, JUST STOP IT ALREADY with the pretending like this is for real.

This is boring VH1. And now you've succeeded in pissing me off by assuming I'm so ignorant that I wanna watch this.

And this week, you announced the next batch of crap shows on the way. One  starring Brooke Hogan by herself, Luther Campbell from 2 Live Crew as a GOOD guy (WTF? Can you say rip-off of Snoop's show on E!), Margaret Cho (jesus god) and of course we gotta bring New York back for a third season of CRAP.

I can only hope A&E hurries up with getting Dog The Bounty Hunter back on and hope that MAYBE just MAYBE that HBO will expand Entourage to an hour long instead of 30 minutes.

Here's the show descriptions from VH1. LOL. What a joke.

BROOKE HOGAN KNOWS BEST - (10 Episodes - 30 Minutes)

This show will follow Brooke Hogan as she embarks into a whole new world with no rules but her own. We'll see this sheltered six foot blonde bombshell take on the city of Miami. We'll see her deal with the ins and outs of daily life, the extra pressures of managing her career and finances without Mom and Dad, her new relationships, and for the first time being away from her family's safety net. Brooke is no longer the innocent teenager under Dad's lock and key, which ultimately pushes Hulk in to very uncomfortable territory as a Dad.

LUKE'S PARENTAL ADVISORY - (8 Episodes - 30 Minutes)

Over the years, Luther "Luke" Campbell has had many monikers including raunchiest man in Hip Hop, musical mastermind and even activist for constitutional rights. But he is best known as the hype man for 2 Live Crew, the bawdiest hip hop group of the late 1980's/early 90's, and pioneer of the modern music video featuring scantily clad girls.What people don't know about Luke is that he is now a loving father, successful CEO and most surprising of all, faithful fiance. However, don't think Luke has changed completely. His life may look like the picture of typical suburbia, but his adult entertainment business ventures prove he's still going to be as nasty as he wants to be.

This reality series will follow the day-to-day adventures as Luke navigates fatherhood with two teenage children, while running his adult business Luke Entertainment Group and planning a wedding with his straight-laced lawyer fiance Kristin. Whether it's wedding cake shopping, giving a "birds and the bees" lecture to his son or casting dancers for his adult Web site, Luke Campbell does things his own way and he doesn't give a *!#@ what anybody says about it!

THE CHO SHOW - (7 Episodes - 30 Minutes)

Thirteen years after her catastrophic foray into television, Margaret Cho is triumphantly returning to television in a new reality-sitcom on VH1 in "The Cho Show." This time it's on her own terms.

This VH1 series will follow the irrepressible Margaret Cho and her eccentric entourage as she fights to be herself in an industry that in the past wanted her to be something other than herself. The series will touch upon all aspects of Margaret's "anything goes" lifestyle, from the strained and awkward moments provided by her somewhat traditional Korean parents to the more irreverent and outrageous moments shared with her colorful cast of friends and colleagues.

NEW YORK GOES TO HOLLYWOOD - (10 Episodes - 30 Minutes)

Having at long last conquered her quest for love, New York is ready to tackle her other life dream: superstardom. Don't get it wrong - New York is already a star but she wants to be on the A-list - as a legit actress.

In order to focus on her new mission, New York has to put her last conquest, Tailor Made, on the backburner as she tries to take on Tinsel Town. She's moving out west to see if she can climb the Hollywood ladder. Question is, will she reach for the stars or fall flat on her face.

So two weeks ago, Hooch and I were watching Rob and Big on MTV. Rob  spent the whole show breaking skating records in the Guinness Book. Rob broke over 20 records and hell, even Big Black broke two records - eating powdered sugar donuts and unpeeled bananas. So this inspired me to try and find a cool ass Guinness record I could break.

So what does all that have to do with the gigantic burger above?
That burger weighs 134 pounds and was made at Detroit's Mallie's Sports Bar & Grill and yup, it broke the world record. Click here for the story or check out this video of it.